The dream

The Dream

“Call security quick…”

A siren went off. Two burly men came into the room. They grabbed me.  “Lavender doesn’t work”, I yelled at the guineapigologist. “Hot baths and a glass of warm milk don’t work either.”

“It’s been three years I can’t try lavender and come back in 3 months…… I need something stronger NOW, I want to get some sleep like other people”.   I was screaming at her and trying to hit her.

I woke up. It was 2am. I was shortly due to go for a Well Woman Clinic appointment.   Well at 16.00pm.   I couldn’t get back to sleep – would you be able to?  I got up and had some warm milk; no just kidding; I had a cup of coffee.  The dream showed my levels of anxiety around the possibility that she might not take me seriously.  I got my list ready, and then re-did it, at least three more times, trying to be as concise as possible.   I needed a potted history of what I had been on and how I had reacted to each different med and what my current symptoms were.

My got my opening lines ready so she knew the deal;

I had felt terrible for three years.

I had to be able to work.

I had to be able to sleep.

I had to be able to be pleasant to those around me, especially my child.

Lavender and hot milk were not options.

In other words; DON’T FUCKING MESS WITH ME

 

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