“Call security quick…”
A siren went off. Two burly men came into the room. They grabbed me. “Lavender doesn’t work”, I yelled at the guineapigologist. “Hot baths and a glass of warm milk don’t work either.”
“It’s been three years I can’t try lavender and come back in 3 months…… I need something stronger NOW, I want to get some sleep like other people”. I was screaming at her and trying to hit her.
I woke up. It was 2am. I was shortly due to go for a Well Woman Clinic appointment. Well at 16.00pm. I couldn’t get back to sleep – would you be able to? I got up and had some warm milk; no just kidding; I had a cup of coffee. The dream showed my levels of anxiety around the possibility that she might not take me seriously. I got my list ready, and then re-did it, at least three more times, trying to be as concise as possible. I needed a potted history of what I had been on and how I had reacted to each different med and what my current symptoms were.
My got my opening lines ready so she knew the deal;
I had felt terrible for three years.
I had to be able to work.
I had to be able to sleep.
I had to be able to be pleasant to those around me, especially my child.
Lavender and hot milk were not options.
In other words; DON’T FUCKING MESS WITH ME