I Can’t Stop Twitching

I just did something IMPROMPTU.

I just went outside to collect a parcel from a friend and saw my next door neighbour.  It was fate, I was supposed to talk to him about cutting down the diseased trees on our shared wall, but I had been putting it off.

I strode over, what a sweetie he is.   I went in and walked round his garden.  Beautiful banana and lime and orange trees. He and his also elderly wife love gardening.

My life has been so highly scheduled for the 33 years I have been working, that I rarely do anything impromptu like that. While I was chatting to him, I was simultaneously talking to myself and saying;

I am doing something that is not on today’s list
I am doing something that is not on today’s list
I am doing something that is not on today’s list
OMG Do I have time to do something that is not on today’s list?
OMG Do I have time to do something that is not on today’s list?
I don’t have my watch on, and I don’t have my phone
I don’t have my watch on, and I don’t have my phone.

I came inside inside for Xanax, I was twitching, as I was SO OFF LIST.

Years of working for large organisations, in conflict areas, in jobs which are not, in fact, as such, humanly do-able, but that everyone does anyway, with an average 60% of staff needed at any one time – fucks you up. No, I did not breath during that sentence.

Then I started running my own business which closed in June after three years. Considering that and my glorious decade, it has all rendered me rather unhinged.  Or neurotic or highly strung.  Definitely unhinged this week and last. Definitely.

Plus it causes twitching in impromptu, off list situations.

No wonder the fanny doctor says steady ship for a year. Only 4 months in.

I know why I am unhinged this week particularly and last come to think of it.  I started a course Screw Work Let’s Play. Utterly Brilliant. Do it if you can.

BUT I realised that I am not really coping with all the juggling of my various projects and bloody life which gets in the way.  I am half Scottish and am really into dance and folk music.  Where-ever I have lived in the world, I’ve always been part of the Caledonian Society and usually on the demonstration dance team.

I recall a St Andrews Ball in Colombo, Sri Lanka in 1984, where there was a sudden curfew called because of unrest. We all HAD to stay till 6am when it was lifted.  Fantastic.  A friend just reminded me of her doing a sword dance at 4am for the whole assembly.  Even though it was many years ago, it still seems to haunt her.  My recollection was that she was brilliant, and didn’t trip at all.  No one would have known anyway.

Anyway back to Tanzania

November is the busiest month in the Scottish Season here and I run the junior Scottish Dancing group with a friend. We have 3 performances next week.  I also run a drama club, as I feel it is important that children understand recent history starting with WW1, and then celebrate the anniversary of the signing of the Convention on The Rights of The Child.

So drama last week. Another show tomorrow.

Why is it ALL the same month?

I started time logging all my projects and I LOVE IT. I JUST LOVE IT. But then my body has been freaking out, and my brain is telling me;

OVERLOAD, OVERLOAD

I know that I am really completely rubbish at stopping and breathing. You can tell I have only taken two breaths the whole time I have been typing.

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